Today I took the day off… Well mostly…
You see I have been having this ongoing health issue (nothing serious I truly believe) but it’s an uncomfortable feeling that has eluded diagnosis. Initially we thought it might be a hernia and the tests have not been conclusive so my doctor ordered a CT scan with contrast.
I thought drinking the barium concoction before I went to bed and again when I woke up this morning would be the worst of it. I hadn’t been informed that I would need to have an IV during the procedure that was going to flush my system with radioactive dye.
I also should have been told to hyper hydrate before going in for this procedure so that that my veins would be easier to find to facilitate the IV process, and so the chemicals that would be flooding my buddy would have a faster exit strategy.
So after three failed attempts to get my veins to cooperate and two radiology specialist later, I got to have the very interesting experience of radioactive dye in my body which, for the initiates means that the back of my throat heated up, there was an intense feeling in my nether regions as though I was either incredibly horny or peeing myself and then a flash of intense heat all throughout my chest cavity.
Fortunately the radiology specialist, Cindy, had already informed me of what to expect and then proceeded to walk me through it again in real time as it was happening.
Once the dye was in, she stepped into the next room where she could see me through the glass and the procedure began with the whirring sound of the machine.
I could see the tube that encircled my body and the mechanism that spun around me as it traced my body from my collarbone down to my pelvis.
When it was over, Cindy stepped back into the room and told me that she would be unhooking me from the IV momentarily after she had checked the images.
It’s amazing how incredibly powerful the mind is. In just a couple of moments, my mind traveled back to my childhood.
You see I was a sick kid. I spent a lot of my childhood being rushed to the hospital, and by the time I was 10 years old it was happening on a weekly basis.
Ultimately, they were able to figure out that I had a sugar intolerance and diagnosed me as borderline diabetic and once that diagnosis came, life began anew for me.
But those years, those years spent with people looking at me with that pitiful look on their face, “oh you poor thing,” well, that all came rushing back to me today as I lay there in that tube.
I’m very grateful that my father insisted on meeting me at the lab to be there for me. When I came out of the procedure, seeing his face holding my sweet GG in his lap, making friends as only my dad can do right there in the waiting room.
He took me to breakfast and he told me I should take a day off.
So that’s what I did. I laid in my bed all day watching shows, sleeping, petting my dog and doing all of the eating and usual stuff we humans do.
Several times today I found myself crying. This is the first time in my life that I have been without a partner for something like this going on in my life. That plus the general malaise that fell over me from the whole experience must have tapped into that.
I also found myself judging myself for taking so much time to do “nothing. “
I have always been so driven. It is hard for me to just have a day of doing absolutely nothing.
So there it is… Today I took the day off… Well mostly.