Tonight I Danced In Front Of The Mirror Naked
Somewhere around the middle of the day today, if you’d told me that, I would have said you were crazy. You see, I’d had a day going of going through every emotion like a box of chocolates. I was exhausted and had just taken off my clothes to get into my jams, but I decided to keep my commitment to write something, at least one damned thing in my gratitude journal before going to bed. I recalled my day and one moment in particular stood out. I had a brief outing to my post office box because things were piling up and I had delayed it as long as I could. I had my bandana on my face, gloves on my hands, sunglasses over my eyes, basically doing my best imitation of Michael Jackson reincarnated as short, red-headed white chick. A moment of gratitude passed through me as a man exiting the building, walked out and stood behind the door holding it open for me to enter while maintaining physical distance with a glass door between us. I cannot tell you a single thing about what the man looked like because in that moment, our eyes locked and we were something more than two humans having a mundane experience of getting into and out of a building. No, this was something bigger. This was two souls really seeing each other and saying, “I care about you. I want you to be safe. I’m lonely and scared. Please see me.” There were other entries in my gratitude journal tonight, but that one was the highlight, and as I let the lightness of that moment fill me up, I noticed that it became increasingly more difficult to control the pen in my hand. My body was surging with happiness, and now, suddenly, I was no longer exhausted; in fact, I was buoyant. So, naked as a Jaybird, I began to dance. No music was playing. In utter silence, I swayed, somewhat hesitantly at first. It had been so long since I had really felt the music in my body. All of my life, music in my body had been something as familiar to me as my own face, but the past few years had taken their toll on me, and I didn’t realize until that moment just how much of myself I had lost. As my focus pulled away from the memories of lifetimes and into the mirror, I saw my frame; still somewhat petite. The shape has reestablished new lines over the years and my silhouette now looks foreign to me. On I danced feeling humbled and grateful, at moments, bashful and in awe. The realization that I am, we are so much more than our collections of agreements, accumulation of things and our ability to stave off aging with modern science.
We are here. Having a unique human experience. It is uncomfortable. It is messy. But it is ours, and this pandemic is but one chapter of this life we are living and should we be blessed to see the other side of it, I would like to see a whole planet full of people who adore hugging people; so much so in fact, that when asked by future generations why we are that way, we will tell them of the time when most of the planet had to stop hugging.
I love you. Kelly